captive

棕色小鳥倔強地站在大堂盆栽小樹枝上,被驚動了轉身飛翔,呯的重擊撞在玻璃跌倒在窗台上. 玻璃上還有鳥的痕跡.

just before i fall asleep i wanna write down about tonight. it’s michael birthday and keith’s treating us a dinner. with jason, tommy, natalie, eldi & vive. i hope i’ll remember this night, when the few of us are still closely together.

A friend of mine used to say a lot of impressive things. He either flatters me, scolds me or just say something that go straight into my heart. i’ve been apologising for months to different people for different things. He was the first n only one to ask me why i kept apologising to him and asked me not to. So each time i say i’m sorry for some silly causes i think of him and tell myself stop doing that. Partly it may be due to my pride that i need to be praised and flattered, but it is also the fact that he sees the good in me always that i feel thankful for - as if someone truely understands me and appreciate me as a complete being. okay, i will keep being a proud person!

It’s been a long time since I write here or check frdster. Three weeks in Macau and I’ve done what I did half year in my old job!
I’ve been good to myself this couple of days that I think deserve some space here. Tonight I had the pasta I prepared, went to the gym again on the treadmill, ironed a big pile of clothes, hadn’t cut my thumb though I’ve got my first corn on the feet from wearing high heels, had Chinese herbal tea and will have a piece of Godiva fat choco before sleep.

The point that I really feel realistic about working here was when I got my first pay cheque here.

As work has become more busy it seems a pattern is growing that I resisted before. Behaviour is becoming more expected.
The good thing is that my fun colleagues have prevented me from being reclusive. I look forward so much to playing tennis with them tomorrow evening. It feels like I’m taking care of myself properly and avoided moliu depressive thoughts. Though I do not regret dark feelings to be a bad thing all the time. As talked with a friend before, rather, it creates a balance and another way of thinking… as a way to precipatate thoughts and emotions.

Ohh the MSG is growing in my brain. Once my brain works, it soars.

燈壞了，裡面如此古怪，雪說那是physics課堂看到的circuit… 看來我要在黑暗中生活幾天。
今天兩頭動物不請自來住下來了。

damn, can’t upload the pics today. pls see my flickr if u know.

The film Hidden made an apparent analogy of the Franco-Algarian relationship.  Thank you Suetyi (& Chung indirectly) for reminding me of that.  Here I’ll try to write here what I know about, please check the accuracy of the history if you wanna be sure. 

Algaria had been a French colony until gaining its independence in 1962, after 10 years of struggling against the French.  It had been a prolonged bloody struggling, with a lot of Algarians tortured and killed during the period. 

Algaria is still said to be essentially controlled by the French government through its puppet head of the State in the 1980s.  After WWII, France badly needed rebuilding and so offered a great number of working opportunities for the Algarians.  Those were mainly construction and manufacturing sweating work which required low-skill labour.  France also offered immigration permits to its ex-colony.  Therefore a great number of Algarians immigrated to France.  However, the oil crisis in the 1980s which created the Great Depression ceased to provide more jobs to the Algarians.  Not hard to imagine at all is that there were a lot of social problems.  Seeing that the Algarians could not integrate well into France plus unemployment, the immigration policy changed not to offer immigration for them anymore.  Racial problem plus unemployment, you can imagine the rest of it. 

For the immigrated population in France, the Africans make up the greatest proportion.  Among them are Algarians, Morrocans and Tsunians which are all former colonies of France.  Remember a few months back the Paris riots?  It is again the formula of raical disintegration, unemployment, poverty, high crime rate and the rest of it.  One cannot say that it’s the Algarians who staged those riots but statistically they are more numerous.

I guess if I rashly make the analogy to Hong Kong Tin Shui Wai we can have an immediate picture of such social phenomenon. 

Welcome any discussion of colonization, post-colonization, racism etc.  (But I don’t think anyone will respond to me or read to this far… thank you if you do)

Every morning she turns the alarm clock upside down to stop it from ringing.  Then when she gets home from work she turns it back to the upright position, which is 14 hours later.  The time track, hence, has a 14 hour displacement each day.  The strange thing is, she must be around 32 by now, but she looks to have stopped aging since 24.

I don’t care if monday’s blue
Tuesday’s grey and wednesday too
Thursday i don’t care about you
It’s friday i’m in love

Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn’t even start
It’s friday i’m in love

Saturday wait
And sunday always comes too late
But friday never hesitate…

I don’t care if monday’s black
Tuesday wednesday heart attack
Thursday never looking back
It’s friday i’m in love

Monday you can hold your head
Tuesday wednesday stay in bed
Or thursday watch the walls instead
It’s friday i’m in love

Saturday wait
And sunday always comes too late
But friday never hesitate…

Dressed up to the eyes
It’s a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown
And just smiling at the sound
And as sleek as a shriek
Spinning round and round
Always take a big bite
It’s such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Enough of this stuff
It’s friday
I’m in love

friday i’m in love, cure

dun give up on tuesday.

When one feels s/he does not get the lover’s attention s/he deserves, it becomes frustrating and the prospect of the two grows dim.  Attaining that balance is an art - to have one’s own space and time, and to care for the lover every moment - hey, it’s just natural.  Some say it’s about possession.  But there is a difference between caring and controlling.  There is an insatiable curiosity about your lover.  A friend said this curiosity drains and kills.  As long as it is utilised positively, this curiosity should perpetuate the quest to understand the other’s universe.  On one hand it has to fill and on the other to be fulfilled.  Why ain’t you interested in what I have done today… and yesterday?  The woman asked.  She cannot understand why it isn’t reciprocol… it must be that! it must be that he doesn’t love me anymore!  cried the woman.  She starts complaining to her man about not loving her.  The man is in the clouds.  The more the woman annoys the more he is in doubt.  Maybe I really do not care that much!  She’s going to eat me whole.  thought the man in melancholy.